I feel the need to Rant.

A time of joy?

Christmas is all but over and I feel the need to have a Rant.

It’s been a bloody long year and as usual Christmas is a culmination of the years events and a lead up to New Year. It is usually a time of joy and family gatherings. However the last two years have been unlike any I have ever experienced before. I have probably found myself alone at Christmas from time to time in the past but I can’t recall. Obviously nothing devastating happened to make me remember anyway. But this year and last Christmas have definitely been the worse in my living memory.

The so called Pandemic really raised it’s ugly head and caused massive disruption to my life. I will not go into the whole story as this is really just a rant about the last two Christmases.

I have a life in the Philippines which I treasure and a life here that I mostly try to avoid. I usually just come home to Australia once in a while to check on everything and then head back. Make sure nobody is in my house who shouldn’t be!

In the middle of last year I came home to seek medical treatment and unfortunately due to my vax status I was unable to return to the Philippines because of border policies.

So I found myself stuck at home in Australia without much money and a dead air conditioner at Christmas time. You couldn’t get a hotter day honestly. The temperature peaked at 46 degrees C. I felt like a turkey in a fan forced oven.

I usually spend Christmas at my Mother’s house when I am in Oz. but last year I was not invited because I had upset the applecart. Not only was I not invited but I was struck from the gift list also. I will tell you why I was omitted from the family in another post.

So there I was, Christmas 2021 with my good friend Paul, who had come to visit and a bloody hot scorching day ahead of us. My family and friends in the Philippines were having the opposite when it came to the weather. A super typhoon had been bearing down on the islands before Christmas and our village was in a direct path of the oncoming Typhoon Odette.

The typhoon crossed through the village on December 16th and 17th and took out most of the power infrastructure and a lot of houses. They were left without power until 20th January.

So on Christmas Day last year I was unable to talk with my family and friends and I had no idea if they were ok or not. After a few very stressful days I received information that everyone was ok but they doing it hard without power and water. All of our food in the deep freezer had to be given away to save it from being wasted.

So with the leadup to this Christmas we were worried about a recurrence of last years typhoon and a likelyhood of more hot weather here in Oz. Luckily my friend Paul had managed to fix the air conditioner a couple weeks back and Christmas day was spent inside in a relatively cool house compared to the 36 degrees outside. Only this time I was totally alone. Paul had gone back home to spend time with family.

I was determined not to let my emotions run too high as I know Christmas is a dire time and many folk take their life because of loneliness and desperation.

My mind did however drift to my family and the way they had pretty much disowned me over the last 12 to 13 months.

Fortunately this Christmas all was well in our village and I was in constant communication with everyone throughout Christmas day.

I had a simple salad with canned tuna for lunch and a few beers in the evening. I decided to go to bed early and put an end to a lonely and somewhat emotional day.

I awoke at 1am and checked my emails and messages. I spent the rest of the early morning hours drinking hot coffee and watching YouTube.

It was after breakfast that I really got angry about being alone here at Christmas. I opened Facebook and started writing a post. Once I had finished the Rant I sat back and read it through. I was quite emotional and really wanted my family to know how I was feeling. However, as I was about to hit the post button, I decided to let it slide. If they know how upset I am it will give them an upper hand. I copied the Rant and sent it to my friend Paul instead. At least my feelings had been shared.

That’s what brought me to Substack. I felt I still needed to scream and shout out my feelings. At the very least to unleash my thoughts in print.

So to all those folk who have done it hard or been alone this Christmas, I know how you may be feeling. But we need to move on and look forward to better times and new friendships. Let’s hope the world and everyone around us is in a better frame of mind in the coming year.

My ticket is booked and if all goes well I will be back in the Philippines in a couple of weeks.

Happy New Year to everyone and blessings to all.

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